It is a story of intrigue, espionage, behind enemy lines infiltration and propaganda. Operation Codenamed "Karina H" is a story for another day. Today I have more pressing issues to deal with.
I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED.
Yes it is true, a member of the rebellion has turned their back on me. We had a traitor in our ranks that has shown their true colors and defected to the enemy. To make this betrayal all the more staggering, the traitor was my own flesh and blood, my beloved sister Emma.
To give you some background on this tale of woe you need to understand our relationship. What started out innocently when I pushed the then 18 month old Emma into the swimming pool in Majorca (nearly drowning her), escalated to Emma dropping a toy cash register on my head giving me a black eye. Sometime after this I accidentally kicked her in the head with a roller-skate while falling off my bike. (This was the moment I believe that the psychological war started.)
When I was 12 years old I confided in her that Barry Hartnett (my cousin) and I were going to cycle down to Barrington’s peer to play near the river. This is important as Mum had specifically told me I was not allowed to go there. I returned home that evening to my dearest mother waiting for me at the front door asking where I had been? This I learned in later life is a question similar to the following:
• Does my bum look big in this?
• Is that girl prettier than me?
• You don’t mind if my Mother comes to dinner?
It is a question that women ask even though they already know the answer. They ask as they know that most men (if they have any sense) will lie. In short I had been turned in. I was grounded and the power cable for the Super Nintendo taken away for a week. As we got older this rivalry disappeared and I forgot about the Barrington's Peer incident. Recent events however brought this incident back into light.
As some of you may know I have only one request for my wedding. I want to wear a red waist coat on the day. I understand that the bridesmaid’s dresses have an important part to play in this decision as my waist coat can’t clash with the bridesmaids etc etc. So this is not an easy decision to win.
That said however, when I was told my beloved sister was to be Caroline’s bridesmaid I was delighted. I finally had a “man on the inside”. This was a battle I couldn’t lose. Emma will sort out the dress color and soften the idea of red waist coats from behind enemy lines. I on the other hand would execute operation “Distract and Confuse”. The plan was to blind the enemy with extraordinary wedding requests. Doves being released when the priest says "man and wife" or J&C ice sculptures for the reception. These were to distract Caroline from the ultimate goal. She would reject all requests and concede to the red waist coat thinking “I have to let him have something”.
Needless to say you can imagine my surprise the day I discovered the deception. On the mention of my waist coat I was met with the staggering statement “Not a hope are you wearing a red waist coat. Emma told me all about it. Red won’t go with the bridesmaid’s dresses so I’m calling a VETO”.
I had been betrayed, by my own flesh and blood no less; just like the Barrington’s Peer incident. As if this wasn’t bad enough I was then sent on the pictures of the bridesmaid dress Emma had picked out for my wedding.
Emma if you are reading this you had better stay well clear of the swimming pool in the hotel. We don’t want any more "accidents"........:)
P.S. Caroline.....these are VETO'd
No comments:
Post a Comment